I want to start this section by discussing how differently Western psychology and Eastern philosophy deal with anxiety, depression and, really, all feelings including happiness and joy.  This is important because the approaches are quite different in their purest forms and are somewhat contradictory, which can be confusing for someone trying to figure out what path to take.  For example, mindfulness tells you to allow mental phenomena to rise and fall without attaching meaning to them, getting “sucked in” by them or acting on the thoughts, urges, impulses or feelings.  It teaches you to let go of your ego and to have no attachment to any thoughts or feelings.  For most Westerners, this is unfathomable – we like celebrating happy moments, honoring true sadness, etc., because it is what makes us feel alive and gives our lives purpose.  In contrast to mindfulness, most Western therapies focus on developing a healthy ego and the attainment of a solid sense of self. 

So, how do we reconcile these two well-known, yet disparate psychological approaches from the East and the West?  The most honest answer is that I do not know for sure, but I will tell you what I have realized.  For me, feeling your feelings is the key to life and is what makes us human. We experience life through our feelings.  This is what I stress with my patients and what has made my life fulfilling and worthwhile.  I have studied Buddhist psychology and meditate daily; I think mindfulness and meditation are very useful and beneficial – don’t misunderstand me there.  For most of us, though, we are not trying to reach Nibbana (Nirvana) and the road to complete peace and tranquility via meditation is a long one.  You must meditate every day and remain in the moment as much as possible.  For those who attain these goals, there is nothing better and they would describe their lives as fulfilling as well. 

But, in our fast-paced world with little time and many demands, meditation as the sole agent for emotional freedom and tranquility is a reach.  Meditation is important, which is why I sit every day, but it is not enough for most of us.  This is where focusing on feeling your feelings comes in and why I am so drawn to experiential psychotherapy, especially AB-ISTDP.  What I have realized is that most of us go about our lives lost in thought and doing almost anything we can to avoid feeling.  We focus on others, engross ourselves in our work or use substances to avoid acknowledging and dealing with our own feelings.  Granted, we are not consciously doing this and we do not want to treat ourselves this recklessly, but we continually keep ourselves in a state of distress and sabotage our happiness by acting this way. 

So, how do we end this cycle?  We begin by learning to regulate anxiety so that our true feelings can rise and get processed.  The point is that we must take our feelings seriously and make them our priority.  Meditation and mindfulness can certainly help us recognize our anxiety and the feelings underneath, but I think in the end, we need to deal with the feelings head-on and develop a healthy ego, rather than passively watch feelings go by and try to attain a state of non-self.

In truth, there are many nuances to learning how to fully feel your feelings – far beyond the scope of what I can describe here – so, I strongly recommend you enlist the help of a therapist trained in experiential psychodynamic therapy and/or who emphasizes the importance of feeling your feelings over having only a cognitive understanding of what has happened in your life.  Both are important, but you must feel to heal – thoughts are not enough.

NOTE:  This is an educational site only. 
The content on this site does not constitute medical advice, medical treatment or a patient-doctor (fiduciary) relationship.